I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
