i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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