Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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