There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
