No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
i've created a new STD.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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