we made out on top of his cat.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
