Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
