You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
