I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
