Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
My vagina just recognized that song.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
