Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
false alarm, still single
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