I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
