I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
