so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
how does that bad decision feel?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
