You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
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