Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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