tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
