dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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