I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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