I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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