Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
