you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
