is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
