Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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