Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
