conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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