What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
