Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
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