my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
