he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
