I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
