The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
