I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
