you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
