i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
