I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
