I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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