So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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