I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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