Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
