I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
