No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
