btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
