we're blogging at a bar
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
