sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
