How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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