She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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