whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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