Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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