my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
